San Francisco Examiner
April 22, 1999
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JOE MANTHEY AND MICHAEL GURIAN
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Boys will be boys: fragile, lacking in self-esteem
Petaluma
DURING THE past six years the media have given us lots of "girls get a voice" stories that imply that girls, unlike
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boys, are being silenced.
Usually a spokeswoman for a girl advocacy, such as the Ms. Foundation for Women, sponsors of Thursday’s "Take Our Daughters to Work Day," is quoted, citing "recent research" to support her claim.
Girls can be immensely fragile in adolescence and we commend those who help them find a voice. But people do not realize that boys are just as, if not more, likely to suffer in silence when faced with life’s challenges.
The massacre at Columbine High School in Littleton, Colo., exemplifies this reality. News reports indicate the assailants were teased, taunted and harassed on a daily basis.
When the Ms. Foundation for Women launched "Take Our Daughters to Work Day," it provided as "fact" that: "While adolescence is also a tough time for boys, approximately 30 percent more girls than boys suffer (a)...decline in their basic feelings about themselves."
This statement was based in large part on a report by the American Association of University Women after a sadly flawed study in 1991 of girls and their self esteem.
Just after the report came out, Science News asked leading scholars to evaluate it. Their conclusion was that both males and females experience significant drops in self esteem during adolescence.
Even more startling, further research has suggested that in many circumstances, adolescent males experience a worse drop in self-esteem.
Under pressure to confirm their findings, the AAUW commissioned an independent study by Valerie Lee of the University of Michigan. Her study of 9,000 eighth-grade males and females concluded that in areas where self-esteem might be measurable - study habits, grades, engagement in school activities - females were, quite simply, doing better than males.
Researcher Diane Ravich, in Forbes Magazine in 1996, summed up the self esteem research this way:
"If there is a crisis in self esteem, it is not among young women. Girls are doing very well indeed. Boys in the meantime, are killing themselves and each other at alarming rates. If either sex is in trouble in our society, it is the males."
If we could view every statistic and anecdote, we would find that there is no reason to argue about who "has it worse."
Both our adolescent females and males need our help. We would also find that paying attention to adolescent male fragility is essential, and we must re-educate ourselves in order to learn how to do it.
Research has developed along the standards of how females show drops in self-esteem - talking less often in class, letting others talk for them, becoming more passive, becoming overtly depressed, becoming body image obsessed to the point of anorexia.
Boys often show their fragility in other ways - increased stoic bravado, risk taking, posturing and aggression.
While the Ms. Foundation points out that girls unsuccessfully "attempt" suicide more frequently than males, they fail to mention that boys are four times more likely to be successful. The actual suicide rate for girls nationwide has dropped by 50 percent since 1970. At the same time the rate for boys has risen.
Mental health statistics paint a chilling picture of the stress boys experience. Boys are four times as likely as girls to be diagnosed as emotionally disturbed. Adolescent males significantly outnumber females in codex disorders, thought disorders and brain disorders.
With all the talk these days of "girl power" or how "we live in a male dominated society," reality comes as a surprise to many. Ravich summed up the silent crisis facing boys when she recently told the New York Times:
The first AAUW report was just completely wrong. What was so bizarre is that it came out right at the time that girls had overtaken boys in almost every area.
"It might have been the right story 20 years earlier, but coming out when it did was like calling a wedding a funeral. It was phony, it dominated the news for years and it was harmful. there were all these special programs put in place for girls, and no one paid any attention to boys."
We call on the Ms. Foundation to show its goodwill toward boys by promoting "Take Our Children to Work Day."
Examiner contributors: Michael Gurian is a family therapist in Spokane, Washington, and author of "The Wonder of Boys" and "A Fine Young Man." Joe Manthey is a Petaluma-based public school teacher.
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